Single Gentleman of Nagoyahammer, there is work to be done..

[ashmie]

So anyway back on topic. As this thread says, single people its over to you.

[DarkElves>All]

Wow. The reason I posted the article here was to see if there was any element of truth, or if it was just the Guardian making mountains out of molehills as usual. It seemed like a bit of a generalisation for a whole populous country.

I remember Dave telling me years ago that there were a lot of sexless marriages in Japan for a variety of reasons, most to do with roles and working responsibilities. But I didn't realise that it was also affecting the young folk.

From what you are saying, there does appear to be an issue here. I can understand that working pressures make things difficult. And e-friendships dilute the real thing.

I feel for the situation that Kaz and other young working mothers are in. Part time skilled work makes sense, no?

Seems like cultural and legal changes are in order...

[me_in_japan]

Legal changes may well be forthcoming, but cultural changes? In Japan?!?!? Hah!

[ashmie]

So much I could share with you guys right now about my own affairs. Currently going through a big wake up call culturally in the relationship and surviving married life after kids kind of thing. But rather than air it all on here I'll make a note, get through it and bother MiJ or Mus with it later. Or better still, get through it and offer my advice when asked and needed once I've moved on. It's not all doom and gloom though. We are enjoying our new family and rebuilding.
I do urge anyone that needs to talk about any of their own concerns regarding relationships in Japan to seek support should they need it. MiJ and Kaz have both been mature and supported me in recent months and I hope I can return the favour to them or anyone else should they need help sometime.

If I could give Voss some friendly advice. Get yourself a Californian girl mate. Very chilled out and will totally keep you informed of how you're doing. I'm kind of joking but actually being serious too. I once new a great girl (pan to blurred thought bubble with Wayne's World gestures).

Japanese proverb: a father and mothers love cannot be seen, it is greater than the physical world and stronger. It is like oxygen. We need it to breath yet we cannot see it with the eye.

Or words to that effect.
Keep talking fellas.

[DarkElves>All]

I've been in serious relationships with a Scottish girl, a Thai girl and a Korean girl.

There is always an extra element of confusion in cross-cultural relationships. In all marriages you have the issues of the fade of youth, the weight of children, the expectations of the immediate family, the demands of work. The issue of mortality of self, which often comes to the surface once all the 'usual expectations' of life have been met, or the mortality of parents. In cross-cultural relationships though there is the fact that some of the inherent expectations of either partner are often not met, as they are not adequately defined (even by the person holding them) and so communicated to the other party.

Despite the cross-cultural aspect, I found I was much more compatible with the foreign girls albeit there were some unexpected learning experiences along the way. What ended the last two relationships was (i) my 'questing' attitude of the time and (ii) the marriage issue.

I know people who have very successful cross-cultural marriages, I don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors but I assume that it is the communication that keeps them vibrant.

Wherever there are communication blockages, there can be clearing of those blockages. And whenever there is a will for renewal of shared purpose there is a way

Wishing all those in cross-cultural relationships well

[Spevna]

Japanese proverb: a father and mothers love cannot be seen, it is greater than the physical world and stronger. It is like oxygen. We need it to breath yet we cannot see it with the eye.

That proverb is about the love a parents has towards their child, isn't it?

In a way this is kind of connected to one of the biggest reasons for loveless and sexless marriages in Japan. Once children come on the scene, many husbands stop being husbands and become "fathers" instead. Many wives become "mothers". They seem to focus all their attention and energy on the new role, at the expense of the previous one. It is often just accepted that this is the way things are. As a result, marriages become nothing more than a partnership for the raising of children.

[Spevna]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24614830

[ashmie]

Yes it makes a lot of sense in a way. It doesn't mean the sex should fall by the wayside but I can see how it could be resigned by many as meaning that and there is less time and patience from each partner.
I wondered whether western culture depends so much more on the realm of the physical and words to convey meaning and emotions while Japan looks elsewhere to work, family values and doing ones best to show love. So while articles in the west view Japanese lack of sexual contact a 'social problem', the Japanese wouldn't see it as in issue that way or something to be so worried about perhaps as it's not the main focus of a relationship. Japan is not going to die out because of low birth rates as it was suggested in a you tube article yesterday for goodness sake. Just there will be less crowded trains in the future if anything.

What surprises me here about the whole thing is the article we were looking at was about young people in their 20s not physically wanting to do it!!!!! Aghhhh Can that be true? Has the human raced evolved further beyond this basic of desires? Amazing.
It's all getting a bit too Sci-Fi brave new world.