stress relief rant

[Colonel Voss]

Well tonight was fun. Not only did my hobby turn against me with a piece of plastic snap off from a larger part and lodged itself nicely in my eye resulting in one trip to the ER (and I have a huge fear of things near my eyes making this super hard), but it also instigated a huge surge in my blood pressure and heart rate. I got home about 15 minutes ago from my second trip to the ER with blood pressure of 143/92 and a heart rate of 99 beats per minute.

For those who aren't in the know, I've had a rough time of it over the past year medically. Stomach ulcer, bacterial infections, dizzy spells, hypersensitive teeth, heat cramps, mass fatigue. A lot of it is stress induced be it mental and sometimes physical. Just too much pressure on me and I gotta face all of this alone. My closest friend is 50 minutes away and Baddy and my boss an hour and twenty. Given that nobody ever comes out to visit me and if I am to see a friend, I have to drive to see them (Job has been the oddball exception coming up twice to game with me) which is something I really really don't want to do since I already drive a ton for work. Hell, one class is a 40 minute drive down, teach thirty and drive forty back. Needless to say, going to see other people is just a huge chunk of stress as I have to sit in that car so much longer. Oh and I need a new car soon (even though I just bought new tires) and I'll be moving in March to who knows where.

Now to add some real fun. I got recommended to be tested for hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) so I went through a huge battery of tests, the vampires taking over a pint of blood in five gos in under 2 hours. That turned out negative so now they think I have sleep apnea. So in September I get to spend one whole night in the hospital while they find new ways to torment me.

And much more. I seriously need some relief.

[Primarch]

Wow, I have had spikey bits stab my fingers/hand before and draw blood, but I've never had something shoot off and go near my face. I hope that your eyes are ok.

Overall it sounds like you've had the year from hell mate. You need to find some way to get your stress under control, but unfortunately I dont have any good suggestions. When I've had a rough week I grab a couple of cans of beer, but it happens rarely enough that its kind of a non-issue. In your case, I really wouldnt recommend booze as a solution though. A change of job/location would be ideal I think, but is easier said than done. If you can, move somewhere more central come March. This would make it easier for you to go and see people (by train) and vice versa.

In the meantime, sit down with your boss and talk this through with him/her. If you're ill it must effect your job performance, which in turn leads to more stress. Discuss what you think can be done to reduce your stress at work and what factors are the leading causes. I'm guessing your boss wants to keep you on if they can, but expecting you to carry on regardless isn't helping. If you can take a vacation, hop on a train for a weekend and go somewhere new for a couple of days. Remember that you can, at any point, walk away from your job. You aren't tied to it, they dont control you and ultimately it is something you do to get money and there are other ways of getting it. Finding a new job is a pain of course, but sometimes just acknowledging that you have the freedom to say "No! Screw this!" can be therapeutical.

Sometimes the hobby itself can be overwhelming. Getting to games is an issue for a lot of us, but for you especially. Staring down a pile of grey plastic, knowing that you need to get it painted for a deadline always gets my blood pressure up. Heck, even playing a game can be rough if you get into it. Your hobby should be something you do to chill out. Paint models as individuals rather than as a unit/army, arrange days to play at your own home if you can, ie invite people over on days when you will be free all day. Your home is miles from anywhere, but if you provide directions and offer to pick folks up and you can play 2 or 3 games it'll be easier to find opponents. Make sure the people you play are bringing the same attitude you want to play against, preferably easy-going and non-competitive. That means not endlessly scouring rulebooks for every situation and both of you being prepared to lose because hey, its only a game.

My final piece of advice is not to sweat the things that dont matter. Dont dwell on things or worry about problems when you cant change them. If you know that you will have a problem at work on monday, dont spend all weekend thinking about it. If you cannot do anything to solve it until monday, dont think about it till monday morning. Read a book, play some video games, call up a friend, listen to music, watch a movie, whatever you do, escape from your life whenever you can.

I know a lot of this sounds really obvious, but I hope some of it is useful. There is no simple solution to dealing with stress, but the answers really lie within you. Identify what is causing stress and take steps to reduce it whenever you can. Even just changing your diet can have a huge impact.

Take care of yourself and dont forget that you do have friends all over the place that you can lean on for support if you need it.

Primarch

[Colonel Voss]

You make some very good points. I did talk with my boss a bit today and I took the afternoon off. I've had fitful sleeping so far but it is better than nothing.

[me_in_japan]

Mitch, mate - I'm not going to say I understand how you feel, but please believe me when I say that I have been pretty stressed myself in the past and just didnt know what to do. I think everyone has times like this in their lives, and the key thing to remember is that they will pass.

I'm sitting here trying to think of some wise words, but every time I think of something, I scroll back and realise "oh, Stu already said that."

Stu's advice is gold, every word of it, so I'm not going to repeat what he's already said, except to reiterate that although yeah, you are physically out in the sticks, you are not alone. You have a whole bunch of folks here who are ready to help you out if you need us.

Like he said: You are in control of your own life. You absolutely can change things. The change may be an obvious one like a new job or apartment, or it might be a subtle one, like a new philosophy on life (e.g. painting for fun, not for a deadline. Playing 40k to tell a story, not to win, whatever) Whatever it is, remember that the way you feel right now is temporary, and that it will pass.

I only really have one piece of advice that Stu hasnt already mentioned, and that is about hospitals, doctors, and medical stuff in general. Lots of people (my wife is a good example of the type) don't like going to hospitals. I can understand that - there's a lot of bad associations with them, and medical science in general can be pretty impenetrable. However, it helps a lot if you remember that the doctors are just people. Regular folks who go home at night and watch TV, smoke (most of em do), and eat dinner, same as you or me. They learned all the medical stuff at uni, same as you could, if you were so inclined. The hospital itself is a building constucted purely for the purpose of helping people get better. You go in sick, you come out better (or at least on the way to getting better.) That is the point of hospitals and doctors. I worked a lot with doctors at uni (I studied bioscience) and I have a lot of doctors in my family (mum, 2 grandparents, and a whole plethora of aunts and uncles) and my younger brother has more life-long medical problems than you can shake a stick at (panhypopituitarism, for starters. Look it up, if youre so inclined...), so he was in and out of hospitals every week when he was younger (and still is, pretty often.)

The upshot of all this is that I'm fairly familiar with hospitals, doctors, and medical stuff from a non-patient perspective. My advice is: trust them. They are there to help, and you have no need to be nervous or stressed about them. You may not know the technical points of how your body works, but they really do. Personally I find it helps to learn the technicalities of medical stuff - it makes it easier to visualise what's going on in your body, and less voodoo-mojo feeling. That approach may or may not work for you. (Bear in mind that if you look up a medical internet site, odds are that there will be people posting on it in a rather "oh my gawd, im gonnna diiiieee" kinda way. These people are not medical professionals. Ignore them. Likewise, be aware that if a doctor says "may" he means "may", not "will", or even "probably". Doctors are scientists. If they say "it wont happen" then they are 100% utterly certain that it is impossible. Doctors rarely, if ever, say this, because life can be bloody surprising sometimes.

So, to summarise my usual waffly advice, i'd say:

1) listen to Stu. Stu's advice is all very good stuff.
2) Don't worry about doctors and hospital stuff. It's just a day in your life, y'know. You have a bajillion others to do fun stuff with.

let us know how youre getting on, should your mood change (for the better, or worse )

-dave

ps - I've found in times of stress that "The Big Lebowski" is a bloody wonderful movie. The main character's attitude is one which I have never managed to achieve, but to do so would be bliss. If you've never seen it, I recommend it. If you have seen it, watch it again. Its a well documented fact that the movie gets better every time you watch it.

[Colonel Voss]

Thanks Dave. I'm pretty trusting of doctors as long as they come across professional and aren't so full of themselves they think they've already one a Nobel Prize or ten. Throughout this, I have had a pretty good list of doctors to work with and I would heartily recommend either hospital. The only doctor I had trouble with was one who (while I was really really out of it I might add) kept asking me what I wanted him to do. Like I had a clue what the options were and he was the doctor not me. Oy.

I also look things up. I find being prepared for an appointment will do wonders, especially here in Japan as you already know several of the key words. Instead of going to sites where the hypochondriacs can post, I usually go to the Mayo Clinic's website for my information.

And the Big Lebowski is a very good idea. Funny how I happened along it two days ago Will watch either tomorrow or Sunday.

[job]

Thanks Dave. I'm pretty trusting of doctors as long as they come across professional and aren't so full of themselves they think they've already one a Nobel Prize or ten. Throughout this, I have had a pretty good list of doctors to work with and I would heartily recommend either hospital. The only doctor I had trouble with was one who (while I was really really out of it I might add) kept asking me what I wanted him to do. Like I had a clue what the options were and he was the doctor not me. Oy.

I also look things up. I find being prepared for an appointment will do wonders, especially here in Japan as you already know several of the key words. Instead of going to sites where the hypochondriacs can post, I usually go to the Mayo Clinic's website for my information.

And the Big Lebowski is a very good idea. Funny how I happened along it two days ago Will watch either tomorrow or Sunday.

Holly, molly, man, you haven't seen "The Big Lebowski", yet. Forget your troubles, man. This tops them.

Because Prim gave you some pretty level-headed advice, and MiJ acted as calm counsel, I'm here to mitigate any good they do for you by telling you that you just ignore what they wrote above.

Watch the Big Lebowski, know 'the Dude abides' and shake pour yourself up a White Russian/Caucasian and relax for the ride that is life.
White Russian
over some rocks,
2-parts half-and-half (cream plus milk)
1- part vodka
1-part kahlua
stir lightly and enjoy

Keep plugging away at your job and health problems and in time I'm sure you'll find a way to manage things.

As for games, I'm sure if you can make it to the Nagoya-Toyohashi-Mie area sometime, somebody could host a game for you. At sometime maybe some of us can make it up there, too.

[Colonel Voss]

More a moscow mule man myself. Vodka, whiskey and Amarula are my primary booze. Use to be tequilla but age caught up with me and made that low.

Sadly, the sleeping pills and anxiety pills I have all say no alcohol. Could be very hazardous to my health. So I'm on the wagon for the foreseeable future.

[Colonel Voss]

BTW I had seen the Big Lebowski a decade and a half ago. It did help calm me down. I would also recommend The Gods Must Be Crazy.

[ashmie]

As someone who has had their fair share of ups and downs in Japan and before that, then I totally sympathise. Sometimes a break from gaming is good if you find you are cooped up inside a lot of the time. Perhaps move to a place that is more populated if the isolation is too much (which it would be for anyone) or just join some new groups or try something new that isn't necessarily rock n roll excess related. I was pretty stressed throughout winter and the earlier parts of this year. One day to the next was clutching at straws and wondering if I would make it through to the end of the day even. The friends I have here and back home kept me going. It's vital to get out there and meet new people if you can or simply chase up the old ones you got on with.

As far as The Dude from The Big labowski is concerned, remember his advice from the mysterious old timer at the bar.

Old timer: "Some days you eat the bar and the others the bar eats you".

Dude: "Is that some kind of eastern thing?"

Old Timer: "Far from it dude".

[job]

There you have it, people, All of Life's troubles answered in this one saga.

Also it should be noted, The Dude's other sacred objects: bowling bowl, Creedance Clearwater cassette tapes, Rayban sunglasses and something very special rolled and smoked (but completely illegal and socially inappropriate in Japan). These sacred objects may also help you on your quest for inner tranquility.

And The Gods Must Be Crazy was really funny when I first watched it, but the humor might be dated now. After watching it, I understood why old Coca-Cola bottles can be collector items.